The Story of LA: Packing Edition

So I know I already blathered on and on about the packing and moving segment of the move to LA but there’s more. I just uploaded all these here pictures and you’re gonna like it, see? Here I lead you into the topsy turvey world that is…CROSS COUNTRY MOVING:

This is the first box I packed. I've always been overly sentimental. Don't act surprised.

We had just started packing and I took some pictures for posterity. You can find the HELLA mess pictures on my flickr, I won't torture you with them here.

Kristyn packing her beloved CD's. We have NO IDEA how much work is ahead of us yet. So naive.

A loverly picture of our mattress with Elvira on top. The cats could not resist this high perch.

These are the eyesore posters we made for the House Sale. We made bank but I will never have a House Sale again so long as I live. Dirty, cheap bastards, in my house, wanting to take my stuff. I still have flashbacks of this weekend and it's not welcome.

Our Show Room. Don't be jealous!

This picture is called: The Calm Before the Storm

In the above picture, I hadn’t yet run to the window and shrieked, “NO EARLY BIRDS!!!” to a gaggle of waiting lady vultures who were ringing the doorbell off the hook fifteen minutes before the sale started. The cab driver who molested me every day on my way to work hadn’t shown up yet. The Asian Lady didn’t steal that DVD stand from us yet. The kid with ADHD hadn’t yet arrived and ripped a hole out of an exercise ball with his teeth. Nor had he taken a baton and smashed it on everything in the house while his mother calmly looked at CDs. He also hadn’t overturned a box of loose beads onto the floor and scattered them throughout the house. His mother hadn’t yet hung out for three straight hours followed by walking out with $15 worth of merchandise without paying for it. The Swindler Lady had not yet come and scammed Kristyn out of a lot of money by tricky hand moves and guilt trips. I hadn’t yet confronted the same woman in the Supermarket as she was shaking down the cashier over some Little Debbie Cakes. “I WILL CALL THE POLICE NEXT TIME LADY!!! I’LL TELL EVERYONE ABOUT YOU! YOU’LL NEVER YARD SALE SHOP IN THIS TOWN AGAIN!” (This woman scammed us in the summertime too at a yard sale. She took my friend Becky’s purse and shoved it in her own and gave her a dollar though the price had been $15. {She also wanted to buy the glasses off my sister’s face!} When Becky demanded the purse back, the lady told her she was rich and could get another one. Becky screamed, “You don’t know my socioeconomic status!!!” and the woman started crying. They actually FONDLED each others FACES at this point and I think some gentle kisses were exchanged. Becky ran over and said, “I just made someone cry!!” And the woman stood on the side of our house and weeped. But later we realized it was a scam and were over it.) The woman hadn’t come yet and told me a fable about how her husband had been shot and killed in Florida. Nor did we meet the woman yet who showed up at the last second and tried to talk me down to peanuts for all the most expensive things left in my house. I didn’t know I would later call the police on this woman. I also didn’t know I’d need backup in the form of friends looming as she took my Tony Little Gazelle from my clutches for $15 rather than the $50 I wanted for it because the Kearny Police Department said that I’d entered into a verbal agreement over it after she pressured me into agreeing that she could buy it. I certainly did not expect to force this woman to sign a handwritten contract and then receive a tender hug from her. None of these things had happened yet and it was a simpler, more innocent time.

But Lori and Billy brought Chewbacca over to visit! And many friends and family stopped by!

Kristyn and Edith were tired.

And even Monster needed a little shuteye.

But something hilarious happened because Kristyn and Janie decided to move a dresser down the stairs.

...and me and Christine helped by taking pictures and waving at each other. Oh and by laughing. We laughed too.

But the dresser got outside and yes, that is the tiny car we stuffed it in. Note the look of naked despair on Christine's face. Also note how everyone's spine is painfully curved from carrying shit.

Loooooong story short, we fit everything into the Relocube. It took like ten of us and so...much...time...and...strain but we got it all in there.

Guys I is sad today…

I am woebegone. I had such a fun weekend and now look at me, I’m here at work, a corporate cronie, a cog in the machine, a disenfranchised hand-wringing complainer with sallow skin and a wide ass. *sigh*

Let’s turn this thing around, whaddy say? Do you guys have anything fun for me to look at? A funny story I can read? An interesting blog for me to throw an eyeball at? Please don’t send me anything with audio today because I forgot my earphones (pity me)…

Ho hum. I wish I were home and having a good time with Kristyn. I even feel blase about this post. Oh god.

EDIT: Nevermind, I realized I can just read Diablo Cody’s blog. Tres funn-y! I guess I’m just a little slow today. Poop.

Lost, 30 Rock, WM3, Yard Sales, stuff and things.

I read a book this week that virtually cured me of my back pain.  Well no, I listened to an e-book that virtually cured me of my back pain.  It’s called “Healing Back Pain: The Mind-Body Connection” by John Sarno.  My boss recommended it to me and so far it’s actually really working.  I’m not going to get into HOW it cures you bc you’ll never believe me if I told you.  Instead I’m just asking for your blind acceptance of this fact.  That’s all.

Secondly, me and Kristyn have just recently started watching “Lost” and “30 Rock”.  Don’t throw rocks or tomatoes, we know, we’re losers, white flag and all that crap.  It’s just that we had other things on our plates and so we just recently found time in our television viewing schedule to admit new programs.  And boy are we glad we did that.  A) I had no idea that Lost was this scary.  B) We both wish we were Liz Lemon.  That’s all I have to say about that.

Thirdly, in the mid-90s, I got consumed with a documentary on HBO called “Paradise Lost: The Child Murders at Robin Hood Hills”.  You know how HBO runs their programming over and over and over and over?  Well I got into a cyclone of watching bits and pieces of it every single time it came on for a while there.  So then they came out with the second documentary “Paradise Lost: Revelations” a few years later and I became obsessed with THAT.  In case you guys didn’t realize this, I get consumed with EVERYTHING for at least a little while so like everything else, I became totally focused on those movies to the exclusion of everything else and then just as abruptly forgot about them and moved onto something else.

WELL, I don’t know why but I was thinking about that documentary recently (either that or it was recommended to me on Netflix, I can’t recall) but I forced Kristyn to watch it the other day and we’ve been freaking out about it all over again.  We watched part one this weekend, then I researched it all day Monday and then yesterday we watched part 2, then researched it AGAIN for a couple of hours.  I’m so pissed that there’s not a part 3.  In my investigations, I found out that a 3rd movie was SUPPOSED to come out but never did.  BUT I think it was more a dramatization of what happened rather than a followup anyway so whatever.

The reason I’m telling you this is that I plan on staying good and obsessed with the West Memphis 3 (what the movies are about) for a good…long…time.  So brush up on the subject and let’s discuss. (I think I’ll write a separate blog on that bc I have a LOT to say about THAT, haha…)

And finally, we had our first of many yard sales this weekend.  We didn’t sell as much as we wanted to but we DID make $60.  And Christine and Recky did well too.  (Guys I don’t want to give out your amounts bc it’s not my duckets but I WILL say they did as good as we did.)  In short, we sold a lot of crap for $1, we bought a lot of each others’ stuff, we ate a lot of cookies and drank more Diet Pepsi Max than is recommended for human consumption, got sunburned, one of us made a lady cry with justification (not naming any names) AND naturally we started about an hour late (which naturally pissed two men off).

SO, what I’m going to do is try to sell some shiz on ebay or Amazon and then continue to have yard sales…*shrug*  I guess next time we have to be more organized but moreover everything went really well and we had a great time chilling in the BY.

Oh and guys I got an iPhone and have no control over it.  I’m not used to my iPod being able to play music out loud but the iPhone DOES.  So even if I have my ringer off, if I do not have earphones plugged in and end up in the music section, the music WILL play out loud for my entire (pin drop quiet) office to hear.  So far, I have treated them to a (LOUD) chorus of Gossip “Heavy Cross” and Madonna “Causing a Commotion”.  Two weeks ago, I forgot to shut off my ringer to my old phone and Lita Ford and Ozzie Osbourne’s “If I Closed My Eyes Forever” blasted over the entire floor while I panicked and searched for my phone in my bottomless purse.  Thankfully everyone thought that was funny but NO ONE got Beth Ditto’s scream and I (thankfully) think that not enough bars of “Causing a Commotion” played that anyone picked up on what song it was, haha.  I love it, but THAT is embarrassing, haha.