Wild Week

Lately, my life and everyone around me’s life has been completely out of control wild. We are all jumping from one insane event to the next. My Mom has been in and out of the hospital lately having problems with her heart resulting in a triple bypass. I fell and hit my head on the tub, went to the ER, and got a concussion. Work’s been nuts. That’s not even mentioning the fact that we went to Las Vegas, Kristyn finished her first year of her PhD, and we opened up the trailer last weekend. This isn’t even all of it. Oh AND?! Our car got stolen, then found, and we had to pay around $300 to get it out of impound. Point being that Momma is BUSY and TIRED. (I’m the “Momma” in this scenario.) Here are a few pictures recent pictures of these events:

The above is me at the ER after I fell. The entire day before, we’d spent in the ER with my Mom and the nurse had told me that she’s had people fall and not report it and die. Then the next day I fell and hit my head HARD. I felt kind of fine / kind of suspicious so of course I had to go. Ugh.

Here we are after getting our car out of hock. We’re smiling because we got it back and also because it’s the SECOND time that this exact same car has been stolen and returned to us.

The above and below pictures are on Mother’s Day. My family took a spur-of-the-moment trip to Michael’s Craft Store after eating brunch and realized we hadn’t taken any nice pictures together. We had to leave to go to Kristyn’s family’s house so we took this one in the aisle, LOL. Gorgeous family portrait.

Also, we forgot to take a photo with everyone in Kristyn’s family together before some people left so as we were walking out the door, we took this quick use. Another beautiful family portrait!

Last weekend we went Upstate for the first time in 2018. It rained and we slept all weekend except for literally this minute just before we left.

This is just Shirley sleeping on me and being a lunatic.

This is me and Kristyn in the ER again with my Mother. She was there to be admitted and we were goofing around. We took more goofy pictures too. Don’t let the fact that we were selfie-ing fool you into thinking it wasn’t a serious situation. It was but we handle serious situations with goofiness and this beautiful background was the partition curtain in my Mom’s room, ha.

the above picture we took after we found out that Mom’s surgery went well. We were jolly because of the weight lifted and all leaving for the day after being at the hospital since the morning. This bag that my Dad is holding up has my Mom’s initial “D” on it. She kept calling it “the D bag” as in “Can you hand me my D bag?” and it kept making us laugh. So here we all are the D bag.

We do find a way to enjoy ourselves but man I could sleep for a thousand years haha.

Raunchy Oprah

There's no part of this picture I don't love.

Lately I’ve been having really vivid dreams. Last night I had this really long dream where I went to a garage sale in someone’s house. I went to buy two dresses and the family that was running the sale was really cool and friendly. The dresses were really pretty vintage dresses from the 60’s and about my size. One had a little stain on it. When I went to pay, the woman kind of wouldn’t let me leave. She wouldn’t let me pay and took one of the dresses from me. I said, “Fine if you don’t want to sell it, that’s cool, just let me pay for the other one.” She took my money but held onto one of the dresses and wouldn’t give me change. I had to get out of there because I needed to go to work. I had intended to go to the garage sale, come home, shower and then go to work. It was already past the time I was supposed to be at work, so I was like, “Fine I’m going.” Then she gave me the dress and I left.

I guess I didn’t care about my job because I decided to keep shopping. I walked down a main drag which I think was Kearny Ave and went into a shop. Inside there were all these 60’s Go Go dancers and it was decorated like Laugh In inside. It was a furniture store. It was pretty cool in there so I decided to look for bedsheets. When I got to that section, Oprah was there hosting some kind of event sale. She started talking to me and was REAL raunchy. Talking about how she always has safe sex and kind of just being the Oprah you NEVER get to see. I was so riveted but still kind of distractedly looking for bedsheets. Midway through talking to her, I realized that I knew she was gonna be there because I WORKED there. Her sleeve came up a little and she had a tattoo on her forearm. That was when my boss came up. I guess he forgot I had to work OR thought I was there to work OR was caught up in the excitement of Raunchy Oprah being there because he didn’t seem to notice or care that I’d mistakenly blown off my shift. I was trying to figure out what to do next when Kristyn bellowed:

COLEEN!!!!! WAKE!!!!! UP!!!!!

Then I told her the entire convoluted story and she barely pretended to pay attention though she’s told me some whoppers of convoluted stories in the past. Haha.

Anyway, here is my favorite YouTube Oprah video. This shit never gets old for me. Also, how do you work for OWN? I want to work for Oprah.

Day Thirty-five

Made some decisions today, yes I did. Decided to live more in the here and now. Made me feel instantly better. Yes I had to make a craft project to support this victory. What is a victory without celebratory crafting? See below.

Here is Kristyn preparing for something awesome/major that I will die if it doesn’t happen. DIE I tell you. Also thanks to WordPress’ awesome app the picture of Kristyn won’t come up. Turns out WordPress has beef with Kristyn. Who knew? Also, I’m on her side. Again, I’ll fix it tomorrow. *sigh*

BOOM. Fixed.

Reminder to keep my head in the present and appreciate what I have. And no this is not a slight on the state of NJ. I’ll cut bitches who slight NJ. Because I’m from NJ. And that’s how we do.

Also, I’ve made a Tumblr. If you want to know what it is, you have to ask me.

Day Thirty-three

First I wanna say:

Happy Birthday Kristyn’s Momma!

Next I wanna say:

We are having a pretty good day although it’s almost time for bed. As part of “Coleen’s all better now time to get back in the swing of things” week, I have a full load of things to do tomorrow. INCLUDING a job interview. Wish me luck!

We woke up kinda early this morning and laid in bed reading stuff and playing with los gatos until we were good and ready to get up. Then we had breakfast, Kristyn fooled around with iTunes, I taught myself two new crocheting stitches, talked on the phone with Kristyn’s parents and played Harry Potter Lego.

We’re now trying to print some stuff but the computer is slow and it’s making us bananers.

* Regarding my picture above, Kristyn asked me if it was a misguided duckface. Alas it was just a boring old “cross-eyes tongue out” face that went seriously awry (my eyes are not even crossed and you cannot see my tongue). I sure wish it was an attempt at a misguided duckface though. *sigh* She gives me too much credit.

I don’t know why but I definitely need this

Kristyn’s Mom sent me the above video with the caption “We could use this for Christmas!” I 1,000% concur.

Day Nineteen

Today we have a lightening round of photos. I’d call them bonus but there are just so many.

This first one is an out-take from earlier today. I believe this is what I changed INTO to make the man at the door regard me as sane persons. The pose is supposed to reflect befuddlement. I sent it to my sister because I was trying to look up bridesmaid dresses with sleeves and kept getting transferred to LDS Bridal websites which I didn’t even know was a thing. Also you saw the one I actually sent Christine in the “Piggy Bitch” post WHICH after hours of quiet contemplation (not really), I realised was because I

a) called myself a piggy on here on Saturday
b) have a pretty liberal policy on the word bitch in terms of “words I do and don’t use up in here”

THIS one is in response to a picture that my friend Silvia texted me of my friend Don all covered in duct tape to make a dress form. Don inspired me to make one and I texted back with m’tape! Also, this outfit is close to what I had on when the guy knocked on the door only my bangs were involved in the headband making me exhibit mad potato head.

And this one was taken approximately ten minutes ago. We just got back from a show at the Echoplex. Kristyn’s covering two bands from New Brunswick, NJ! La Sera and The Screaming Females! This time Nina (who works with Kristyn and whose house we went to for Thanksgiving) took Kristyn by the hand and pressed two pairs of ear plugs into her paw. Our ears might have been ringing all damn week from the Babies show but Nina’s eyes must have been ringing from our constant dramatic Facebook updates regarding the status of our ears. Thank you Nina!!! Seriously, SO so much better. Sometimes you really need someone to lead you to water haha.

Here is Kristyn, fast asleep. But…

…then you find out she is a faker!!!! I took the first picture and gave it to her to look at. She felt her clasped hands looked like two different people’s hands and demanded a reshoot. She told me that as the (cellphone) photographer it was my duty to tell her when things are looking good.

So I just let her settle down into a dreamy sleep state look and then screamed, “Lookin good!”

So then I let her calm down again and screamed, “Really! You’ve never looked better!” We did this for a very long time.

Then I gave Kristyn the phone to select her photo and she went with the sleepy one. She told me specifically NOT to mention that her hands look like two different people’s hands clasped together. And so I won’t!

Moldy Avocado

I have an avocado in my lazy susan that is just sitting there. It was purchased before Christmas. At the time it wasn’t quite ripe enough. I bought it anyway because I LOVE avocados and can eat them for breakfast, lunch and dinner (and DO). It came in a pack of four and I kept opening them hoping that NOW they’d be ripe enough but sadly each one was worse than the last. This last avocado has been sitting there waiting to reach it’s peak but somewhere between Christmas, New Year’s and now, it has gone bad. And still it sits there because I willfully ignore it, sad for a missed opportunity and loathe to make the decision to put it out of it’s misery.

The avocado is an apt metaphor for my life right now. I just got the “thanks but no thanks” letter I’ve been dreading about a job I wanted. I can’t help but feel like the longer I sit on a shelf gathering mold and dust, the less valuable I am. It feels like my expiration date on this particular shelf has long gone by. I really can’t take anymore rejection. Right now, right in this second, I just want to go home.

The funny thing about LA is though that in an hour, I am going to be shooting photos of Billy Idol and Tommy Lee on the red carpet for the opening of Cirque Berserk at the Staples Center. Highs and lows up in this bitch and while excitement is great, I can’t seem to get anybody but the state of California to cross my palm with a dollar bill. It’s. Really. Seriously. Getting. Old.

Maybe I’ll take my 365 Face Project with the red carpet behind me. That might perk me up.

* Also no judging on the Halloween placemats I’ve put down for the cats. I totally forgot to switch them out and never really notice them. I’m usually a lot more picky about these things but can’t seem to muster the strength to be.

Day Eight

There is so much “NO” in this picture that it had to be a “YES”. Ya pickin up what I’m putting down?

I can’t seem to get going to do anything productive today although I’ve had a lethal amount of caffeine (and intend on having two more cups of coffee). (All said I will have had about six cups of coffee when this bender is through today.)

I didn’t get my picture of Kristyn’s grill yet but I don’t want to forget about mine so I am ever-so-kindly blinding you with this one. No need to thank me. No please don’t stand up. Sit down, sit down.

So far today I have woken up, made breakfast, ate breakfast, made Kristyn lunch, picked her up and kicked her out the door, re-completed book one on Harry Potter Lego because we hit a bug a bit further in and can’t get out of a garden where Ron is burping up slugs and made the rest of the gingerbread cookie dough but I can’t with any more cookies.

I think the plan for what’s left of today (“today” being something of a relative term since it’s 8:25pm and I think the day OUGHT to be just about winding down) is going to be this:

1) Write this post. *DONE* <–This is me supposed to be me stamping this as done.
2) Watch my cats french kiss. *DONE*
3) Apply for jobs.
4) Write for LA Music Blog. I've been on a naughty cookie-fueled holiday hiatus/bender.
5) Scoop the cat litter.
6) Try to watch the season premiere of the Jersey Shore online. Yeah and?
7) Yeah I think that's all I can handle.

I was re-reading some of my old blog posts on myspace recently. (And can someone please tell me WHY you are not allowed to export blog posts off of myspace? Stupid corporate chokehold on my 2004ish through 2008 musings!) Anyway, in reading those blogs I realized the following:

1) I used to be funny and now I'm not. If you read my blog then, please do not say, "Oh no, that's not true!" It IS. I think my sense of humor was a little darker then because I was more brutally honest about everything. (Yes you can get more honest than this haha.)
2) I think that taking my blog public made me have to kind of gloss over some details so as not to give away anyone else's privacy and that made me feel like I had to write more up-up-up positively. This is good and this is bad. This is good because I can share more with my family and extended friends and this is bad because I will only remember a glossed over version of the events as they unfold. This is also good because I will only remember a glossed over version of events as they unfold. This means that when I'm old and gray (apart from a few mental breakdowns) I will be all, "What a lovely problem-free life I've lead!"
3) IN writing more positively I think I have been possessed by the spirit of an over-happy teenage girl. I am trying to self-edit all "haha's" out but I am legitimately laughing at my own joke there so it's hard to make my fingers not do it. I am actually typing out my mentally diseased laugh track in my own head not realizing that when I read it back, it will sound like a studio audience laugh track. "Insert chuckle here for I have made a funny."

Whatever, do you see what I do? I am blogging this bullshit so that I can be held up doing my to-do list. BUT I guess I can't really expect myself to respect a to-do list that I have intentionally placed "Watch the Jersey Shore" on.

P.S. I am still going through my Buffytimes. I am at the end of Season Four and dealing with Glory.
P.S. #2 I chopped onions today and rubbed it HARD into my eyes.
P.S. #3 A weird tattooed girl showed up today and knocked on the front door. I screamed, "HELLO!" out the kitchen window at her and she told me she was here bothering me to work on her people skills, find out what I do for a living and be inspired by me. I screamed, "I'M UNEMPLOYED!!!" She actually said, "Ooh! Is it fun?!" I screamed, "NO!" Then she looked at the Rampant Lions window cling I have on my front window and said, "Oh are you Scotland?" (Not ScottISH but ScotLAND.) I screamed, "YES!" She said, "Me too! I'm Scottish, Irish, German and a bunch of other shit!" I screamed, "OKAY!" Then she kind of took a hint and asked me who lives in the other apartments. I basically screamed something to the effect of, "I DON'T KNOW!" And then Kristyn demanded I scream, "THEYRE ALL DUDES!" Then she knocked on my neighbor's door and told him she's here to speak to him because she stutters and wants to win a contest for it go to England, Ireland or Romania, that she needs to know what he does for a living and then tried to sell him a magazine subscription.
P.S. #4 I'm putting my conclusion to P.S. #3 down here because well just because it deserves it. My conclusion is that she either works for a very convoluted magazine company OR she was casing us for robbery. IF I am attacked within the next month, know that a gangly tattooed brown haired girl's boyfriend named "STAB" took all of our things. I am taking a wild guess about the boyfriend but I wasn't born yesterday so it seems as good a guess as any.

The Christmas Toy

This one goes out to my sister. We used to watch the shit out of “The Christmas Toy” when we were kids but both totally forgot the name of it until this year. I decided on Christmas Day that I was going to spend 2011 putting together a seriously intense Christmas movie collection because I’m tired of constantly scrounging for my favorites every season. And I do like me a multi-sensory holiday experience. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what this was called but as I was searching for other shit, this popped up. I haven’t bought it yet (because I don’t have a j-o-b) but I just found it on YouTube and decided to post it here. Enjoy bitches!

Part one of five:

Part two of five:

Part three of five:

Part four of five:

Part five of five:

A Letter to Me from Me

My friend Jenn just posted on FB that she wrote a letter to herself and sealed it to read next New Year’s Day. I thought that was a great idea so I did the same. I just wrote down how this year went, how I want next year to go and some things I hope happen for myself and everyone around me. It was two pages long and on some creepy-ass stained glass stationary I bought a few years ago. Speaking of creepy, this is the folder I found it in:

I am nothing if not a thrify nerd/maniac. I found that gem (and all of the weird stationary and stickers within) at various NJ dollar stores. Good. Times. And yes that is a unicorn and a castle on my envelope to Future Coleen. I have it on high authority that Future Coleen will appreciate the sentiment and (questionable) wit of affixing these to such a personal document of posterity.

I really wish I could say that I won’t be searing your eyeholes with another post today but I have had three giant cups of tea and MAN am I having a good time. Deal with me, Happy New Year!

P.S. Yes Kristyn, I am going to force you to do this too! We will store them in the Card Moose until next year!

P.S. #2 How about that? I am the first person to add a Richard Marx tag to WordPress!