…continued again.

So we were only one hour away from:

Mankato!!!

Come on you have to know where Mankato is and it’s importance…Okay if you don’t, then you are not a Little House on the Prairie Lover. In Little House, whenever they needed something MAJOR that is where Pa trucked off to. It was “the big city”. In Little House on the Prairie, they lived in Walnut Grove which was kind of only vaguely settled so when they needed something biggy big this is where they headed to.

Mankato itself was kind of a small town. There were a lot of paved streets and there was a downtown shopping area so I can see why it was thought of as the big city, but it’s not like NYC, more like Kearny with less crazy people milling around.

Main drag in Mankato.

So we hopped on the Laura Ingalls Wilder Historic Highway and headed toward:

Sleepy Eye!

Sleepy Eye is the trading post between Mankato and Walnut Grove. Little House Lovers will recognize Sleepy Eye as where Pa ran off if he needed something like *kinda* bad and *pretty important* but not *deadly serious*.

Kristyn isn't a fan of Little House on the Prairie so she doesn't understand the importance of Sleepy Eye, but sure does like a quick nap.

These towns are like probably a half hour apart or something but travelling in a wagon with horses and going like FIVE miles an hour meant that it took forever for him to get there. Now there are paved highways that our combustion-engine-powered, gasoline-fueled vehicles travel 65+ miles an hour to get between the two. Caroline would say, “Charles, ugh, we’re out of shoes!” And he would be all, “OMG, f. *sigh* Okay I’ll be back in three weeks. Try not to get scalped by any Red Injuns, okay?” Then he’d put on a sachel and his hat and see ya later, good luck if I never see ya again, okay?

Whoa, Sleepy Eye takes a stand!

So back to the Laura Ingalls Wilder Historic Highway, that like IS the path that Pa probably took! Like we got to see basically what it is he saw bc there’s still not much there. Just farms, fields and nada mas. And so we saw this:

Aaaaaaah!!! What?!

If I’m going to be on the real tip with you, I have to make two confessions. Although I watched the TV show avidly as a kid, although I read all the books, although me and Erica used to like to beat each other with Farmer Boy, although my mother sobbed for a week when Michael Landon went off to the Little House in the sky…it never once occurred to me that *I* could actually visit these places. Even though the Ingalls were REAL people and these books were based on Laura Ingalls Wilder’s REAL life and they were all written BY her…never once in my pea brain did I say, “Hey Coleen, I wonder what it’d like to be there?” So when we suddenly found ourselves there, I was so…amazed…

The other confession is not mine but I’m going to make it anyway because I’m a jerk. Kristyn has always given me crap about my Little House on the Prairie love. Her exact words are, “But that show is so broooown.” And I concur, it totally is. I, too, do not like a brown show. You will not find a Western on our television. Unless the scenery is colorful and varied, we will lose interest. M.A.S.H. is out as well.

And I’ve given her the same speech about the show so many times that she wants to rip her ears off. “But Kristyn, they lived on a frigging PRAIRIE! They had to burn oil for light! They had to make their own clothes! They had to wear shoes with holes in them or no shoes at all!” She’s all, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever, do we have to talk about this again?”

And the reason she was so “OMG whateeeeeeever…” was because she genuinely did not know that these stories are based off a book by a real gal who lived this life. She didn’t know that Half-Pint, really did probably fall down a hill somewhere and that PA really did play a fiddle in the dark. So, moral of the story is, we were both amazed for totally moronic and separate reasons and it was awesome.

So we got to the museum about a half hour before it was going to close. We went inside and it was like either $5 or $10 per person but the gal at the counter was like, “Whatever, it’s gonna close so just like run through it and I won’t charge you.” So that’s exactly what we did.

Entrace to the museum. Here is the chapel.

This chapel was hella, hella small and not a real one. All the buildings were representations of what it would’ve looked like. So this was like a little doghouse version of a chapel.

Inside the lil Chapel.

Kristyn at the lecturn. She’s dignified.

Kristyn, up at the Pulpit where she should be. Oh thank the Baby Jesus!

Then we came upon something called “Grandma’s House”. This is not something present in the TV show but I was a house from wayback that they wanted to preserve and show how like I guess more wealthy people lived back then.

Grandma's House.

Plus it had a lot of just old household items in it.

Front Porch of Grandma's House.

We thought these wash basins and the sign accompanying it was kind of funny.

Wash Basins.

Kristyn and an olden-timey ironing board.

Here was some parlor furniture of someone who’d be all Brangelina back then.

Parlor furniture.

Not all the dolls were from back then. I think they were just old dolls from different periods.

Antique dolls.

Kristyn’s Mom has a phone just like this but it’s not from Prairie times, probably more like Sears-times or something, haha. I love it.

Old Phone.

Blurry picture but this is how intense their stove was. Probably worked better than ours do too haha.

Old stove.

This was just a room of stuff they’ve collected from Walnut Grove’s Veterans throughout the town’s history. Cute.

Walnut Grove Veteran's Room

And this was kind of crazy. This was their jail. I went in there for a hot minute but we kind of had to run from one display to the next so no fun-time jailhouse pictures. Another time.

Jail!

There’s two more posts coming out of this day. This was an awesome day and if you don’t like Little House on the Prairie, tough titties. There is a lot more where this came from, haha…

Continued again…

Bisexual Pride Flag, Pink is love of same sex, Blue is love of opposite sex, Purple is area in between

Guys, this might not be news to you and I’ve discussed this on my other blog, but I am Bisexual. Bisexual IS Gay, Queer, LGBTQ whatever. That is who I am. (I’ve posted blogs about this before but stay tuned.)

I was just doing some dishes and thinking about a subject I broached on one of my travel blogs. We were at a Denny’s in Minnesota and two men and a woman were talking about homosexuality and all the topics that go along with is: Marriage, Is it a choice?, Are they going to hell?, Is it unnatural?, etc, etc, etc. And I was getting mad. And Kristyn was getting mad. She (rightly) stopped me from saying something. I wasn’t going to yell at them because why bother? Me yelling at ANYONE has never gotten my point across. I just thought it would be funny to spook them. Introduce us as a couple and say we overheard them talking then leave. Leave them with the thought that “we’re everywhere and we’re listening”, haha. It would’ve been sort of cruel but it would’ve been funny. And Kristyn was right to stop me bc why the hell bother? For sure, me doing that would just prove “the obnoxious and innate nature of gays” right? So that was that.

But I was thinking about how if I had the moment to do over again, it would have been interesting to sit down with them and find out *why* it is that they feel that way? Like yeah the Bible, blahblahblah, but me and Kristyn were raised in Catholic households. We were Christened, made our Holy Communion, Reconciliation and were confirmed. I don’t go to church anymore but we both spent 8 years at CCD. We both say prayers at night, celebrate Catholic holidays and traditions. So it’s not that we’re heathens is the point that I’m making.

So, growing up, I was mostly attracted to boys. All my crushes were boys, all the celebs I drooled over were boys. I even had a crush on Mr. Rogers and my first real life boy crush was in Kindgergarten and his name was Michael Bender. I thought girls in my class were pretty but it was always more like a “I wish my hair was like that” sort of thing. I didn’t date like my friends did but that’s because my father was a teenage boy and went above and beyond to make sure I respected myself enough not only to say “No” but “Get the f out of my face or my father will knock you into 2040″. Apparently he did *too* good of a job because my knee-jerk reactionfor everything is to say, “Get the f out of my face or my father will knock you into 2040″ …*sigh* Haha. So when I started dating finally, I wasn’t putting on some stupid ACT. I wasn’t using anyone. I wasn’t wishing I were with someone else. I was right there, where I wanted to be.

And so when I started dating Kristyn, it was as much a shock to me as it was to everyone else. I mean, I’d never ruled out the possibility of dating a woman because I don’t like to rule out the possibility of doing anything (positive/non-negative) in my life. A part of me knew for sure that if I fell for a woman, I’d go for it so long as I was happy.

When I started dating Kristyn, I’d just gotten out of a relationship with someone I loved very much. I left that relationship because my parents were divorcing and I was bugged out and he was starting to talk seriously and I was wigged the hell out. I’d been in a relationship for a long, long time and wanted to be single. So when me and Kristyn got together I was wigged out because a) OMG! A girl! and b) What am I doing? I want to be single!!! So it sucked all around. I was seen as a liar to that guy. As a liar to Krisytn. As selfish. As a person who’s been lying about their identity. As a pig. It was kinda terrible and traumatic. There was a lot of intolerance against me and there were some people who were just surprisingly okay with me being me.

So fast forward almost ten years (ten years!) and me and Kristyn are STILL together and we are STILL happy. Above all else, she is my favorite person in the entire world and the best friend I’ve ever had. I have always been and will always be sorry for hurting that one guy’s feelings because he is a really, truly, standup guy with a huge heart that I still miss on a regular (another great friend).

So I’ve been hella, hella, hella lucky in love in my life. It’s bc I was hugged and kissed a lot by my family and taught to respect myself. That being said, no one in my family is gay that I know of. No one in Kristyn’s family is gay that I know of. We were raised in straighty-straight environments where people had good relationships (for the most part), got married and had kids. Kristyn’s family is really tight and in our own way, mine is too. So there’s nothing “wrong” with us and there’s no “bad influences” and this isn’t a “choice” it just is what it is.

And regarding human sexuality, I have a theory, and you can like this or not but I know it’s true (and I’ll tell you why in a minute) whether or not you want to admit it. Bear with me:

Imagine human sexuality as a ruler. At one end, there are all the straight people and on the other side are all the gay people. On any ruler, there is a center right? And there’s an area between the center and either end. I think that probably there is only a small amount of people in the world who are either 100% straight or 100% gay. The rest of us slobs fall in the middle somewhere and typically either round up or round down based on what our typical impulses would be.

Sorry I couldn't find a good 12 inch ruler.

Now I’m not calling you all gay, settle down. But what I am saying is that the straight man might see a picture of Johnny Depp and say, “I can see why the gals go crazy over that guy, I wish I were that pretty.” That doesn’t mean you are going to beg him for a kiss if you run into him, it just means you’re not going to gay bash him when you see him because you can recognize his good looks and appreciate that.

And if anyone has EVER seen an episode of the Ellen DeGeneres show knows what I mean. That room is NOT filled with a bunch of bulldykes with tattoos. It’s Joanne Housewife from Skokie, Illinois, dancing when Ellen says dance, putting on blindfolds and playing musical chairs when Ellen tells them they might win a cookie…And I’m sorry but when Ellen dances out in her sneakers, the crowd goes absolutely WILD. Rock star wild. I would feel comfortable placing a bet that 7 out of 10 housewives in that room would allow Ellen to wine and dine them if no one was watching. She’s charming and pozzy so why wouldn’t they? Just sayin.

And Ellen being charming and pozzy doesn’t make those women dump their husbands or think Justin Timberlake is less hot.

And surprise! As much as straight people don’t like bisexual people, gay people like us even less. To gay people, when someone says they’re bisexual, it’s a cop-out. If you’re a woman, you’re just doing it to turn some guy on. Or you’re a wimp and keeping one foot in each pool so you can keep your straight privilege. Or you’re turning your back on the “team”. And understandably a TON of gay people don’t want to date anyone bisexual because there’s a lot of drama that comes with that:

a) If someone is Bisexual and just coming to terms with it, there WILL be a mental breakdown because it’s hard to reconcile your past straight relationships with having feelings for someone of the same sex. And the people around you WILL demand that you call yourself gay because that’s how people are. Everyone wants everyone else to easily identified. And they say, “Why won’t you just ADMIT YOU’RE GAY?” as if it’s that simple. But if it’s not that simple, it’s just not that simple.

b) They see someone who’s bisexual as testing the waters. Why bother to get into a relationship with someone if the fear is always looming that they’re going to call you a “phase”? It is an understandable fear. Why get invested?

c) They see you as being a slut. I mean if half the population is open to everyone else on earth, how is it fair if the entire population is open to you? And if you’re bisexual, exactly how MUCH of the population have you sampled or do you intend to?

d) It’s apolitical (in their eyes). Gay people have to go to hell and back to come out of the closet. Thinking about it, forcing yourself not to think about it, hiding it, being teased about it, trying to change it, realizing it’s futile, coming out, being tortured for it, dating, making mistakes, having family and friends turn on you, having jobs turn on you and finally coming to terms with it. Well that’s a personal and political journey that forms that person’s life. It’s not something they’d do if they didn’t have to. No one heaps criticism on themself if they can help it. So to be bisexual is seen as a cop-out version of what they went through.

So here’s my thing. I am not a slut. I am not confused. I am not a bad person. I was not raised by derelict heathens. I am not kidding myself. I am not accepting straight privilege. There is no reason in the world why I couldn’t just stay I’m a gaylord and call it a day. Sometimes I don’t even bother to correct people because even my gay friends tell me that I’m kidding myself and am just gay, like they know something I don’t know about me. And I don’t take it personally, it’s just the way they feel being projected onto me. *shrug* And I’m not attracted to Joanne Housewife. And I’m not attracted to Joe Lovesfootball. I only am interested in boyish women and the men I’m interested basically look the same. Basically I have one type and it doesn’t matter what is happening under the clothes, haha. I really just like people’s minds and go for kindness, a willingness to look outside the box, weird sense of humor and a big heart. Out of Ellen and Portia, I’d go for Ellen a thousand times over. And the guys that I tend to go for are kind of artsy, gentle and kind (feminine-esque attributes). So that’s that.

And I said I would tell you how I *know* that most humans are bisexual to varying degrees. I know that because a stunning amount of straight people have confessed to me that they’ve had gay thoughts and/or relationships. They just don’t broadcast it. And I don’t think that these people are being something they’re not or living a lie. I think that they, like most people, and most experiences we have in life, saw life firmly ONE way until an unexpected, pleasant experience presented itself. That’s that. But these people probably won’t tell you that because they don’t want to be judged. And I’m not trying to out anyone. The point I’m trying to make is that it is possible that a good portion of the people you know have experienced something like this and it wasn’t right for them so they moved on and don’t holler it from the rooftops.

Which brings me to my next point…I had a friend say to me a couple of months ago that anyone who isn’t out at work is messed up because they are misrespresenting themselves. Whatwhatwhat?! Okay, I typically am not out at work. It’s not because I’m not ashamed of myself it’s just that why do I need to announce every detail of my life, especially if it’s a detail that can be held against me? Like straight people don’t go into work and say, “Attention everyone, I enjoy sex with a member of the opposite sex. That being said, I will be spending a lot of time in my personal life washing dishes and cleaning an apartment with someone of the opposite sex when I’m not at the office. Now that that’s out of the way, does anyone have a copy of the TPR report?” No they don’t. It’s unnatural and would be flat-out weird to do. They put up a picture of their spouse and everyone moves on from there. So I don’t see why it is that gay people should go ANYWHERE and HAVE to out themselves. It’s irrelevant.

And I have personal experience of someone close to me being discriminated in the workplace for being gay at two different jobs. The fact that this person is gay was used to discredit them and make them look bad in two different workplaces and you know what? They had no way to defend themselves, not legally or otherwise. The discrimination was done in a way that you could call it something else. And the law is specific in the ways it will support you. It has to be black and white with a thousand witnesses to back you up. If it’s your word against theirs, you’re screwed. If they have someone to back them up and you don’t, you’re screwed. If the harrassment can be contrued as anything else, it will be. If you speak up for yourself, you WILL be treated like a troublemaker. So you know what? I keep it to myself. Because even if a company states that they would never discriminate, there are plenty of ways to discredit someone. You don’t straight call someone a faggot but you do hold this person to a high standard that you don’t hold anyone else to. You DO record and hold against them their bathroom breaks, every minute they’re late, every conversation they have with someone not work-related, every vacation day taken, every mistake made, every dress-code violation, every everything. And all they need is a paper trail to make it legal. It sucks.

And so I do wonder what could have happened if we’d taken a minute to sit down with those people at Denny’s and say this stuff. I wonder if they’d have been receptive or hostile. I mean that day, I wasn’t feeling well so it probably would’ve escalated but if it had happened on a day where I was feeling like I am right now, it would’ve been an interesting discussion as I’m not their idea of what “gay” is, not really.

Anyway, my favorite band, the Gossip, wrote a song a few years ago called “Standing in the Way of Control”. It’s about what it feels like to be gay and to stand up for yourself…to stand in the way of control. Here are the lyrics:

Your back’s against the wall
There’s no-one home to call
You’re forgetting who you are
You can’t stop crying
It’s part not giving in
And part trusting your friends
You do it all again
And I’m not lying

Standing in the way of control
You live your life
Survive the only way that you know

I’m doing this for you
Because it’s easier to lose
And it’s hard to face the truth
When you think you’re dying
It’s part not giving in
And part trusting your friends
You do it all again
But you don’t stop trying
Standing in the way of control
You live your life
Survive the only way that you know

Standing in the way of control
We live our lives
Because we’re standing in the way of control
We will live our lives
Because we’re standing in the way of control
We live our lives
Because we’re standing in the way of control
We will live our lives

Your back’s against the wall
There’s no-one home to call
You’re forgetting who you are
You can’t stop crying
It’s part not giving in
And part trusting your friends
You do it all again
You don’t stop trying

Standing in the way of control
You live your life
Survive the only way that you know

Here is the video for the song. Apart from the lyrics being important, it’s just a good song. And I was at this concert, haha. Quick story following the video:

Look you can actually see the video camera that the YouTube video was filmed with! Haha.

The loverly Ms. Beth Ditto

This is actually how close we were. We were right at the front of the stage.

Beth Ditto and my girlfriend Hannah Blilie.

Okay, this was the first Gossip concert that me or Kristyn had ever been to. Their album, also named “Standing in the Way of Control” hadn’t come out yet. We went to this concert to check them out bc we liked some of their other CDs. The concert blew our fn minds. The video doesn’t do it justice but Beth’s voice was out of frigging hand. So good. So the Knitting Factory where they played has a front little bar that they kick everyone out into once the show is over. Gossip had been getting steadily more and more popular and so their merchandise table was in the front room and they were still “not famous” to the point that they were manning it and milling around (you won’t catch that now). I told Beth her voice was out of control and she said, “Oh thanks sweetie” and gave me a kiss on the cheek, haha. And I was looking at the merch table and none other than Hannah Blilie herself came up and helped me shop, ha. Here’s what went down:

Hannah: Do you need help with anything?
Me: Oh hi, you guys were great!
Hannah: Thanks!
Me: What CD would you recommend?
Hannah: Standing in the Way of Control because that’s the only one I’m on.
Me: That’s not here…
Hannah: I know, I’m just kidding, it’s not out yet. They’re all good, EVEN though I’m not on them.

Then she told me that she’d just recently joined the band and was excited about it and the new CD coming out. Now if you know anything about the Gossip, it is hands down their most popular album.

So sorry about the braggy-braggart-ness but I just love the Gossip and that night was so awesome. Because of that night, they became my favorite band. It was just fun for me in retrospect to have had the opportunity to talk to someone that I’d later end up looking up to. And I’ve been lucky enough to meet a lot of people I look up to but it’s always like timed or there’s other people waiting or security or ya know…whatever. This was just…what it was. Awesome.

…continued AGAIN!

We continued on and found the Schoolhouse and the Dugout House. More on the Dugout House later.

Schoolhouse and Dugout house.

The classroom is pretty awesome because it really kind of looks like what the classroom looked like on Little House on the Prairie!

The classroom is awesome.

It was fun to be in here because while a lot of the museum was dedicated to showing how people on the frontier lived, this little classroom was exciting to be in because the show had focused so much on them being in class.

Desks.

I had to go to the head of the class and pretend to be Miss Beadle. I just wish I’d have had a little Lemon Verbena on to complete the experience. Kristyn, ever the eager student took a load off.

Krissy enjoying her studies.

Here are some rules of conduct for the students and the teachers. I like that there are separate bylaws for those of us without shoes. I hate shoes. I wish I could go to school without shoes.

RULES.

Here are some olden-timey school supplies. In the gift shop, I bought a slate and it’s awesome.

School supplies!

There were a coupla pictures from the show in the classroom.

Yes!

And this is what’s called a Dugout House. Poor settlers made these because they provided warmth against the cold winters. Still, it’s gross kinda.

Dugout house.

The walls, ceiling and floor are made of mud, smoothed out mud but mud nonetheless. The bed is made of wood and hide. I can always make do but thinking about sleeping in mud on a freshly killed hide makes me glad to live in 2009.

Bed made of fur.

There was a small heater/stove in here too. There really was only enough room to turn around in here. The Ingalls family lived in a Dugout House at first.

Heating.

Right next to the heater/stove and along the opposite wall of the bed was the dinner table.

Dinner table and mud.

Then we ambled onto how the rich people lived…well I ’spose middle class was more like it…

How the Rich People Lived.

Inside, the walls were made of wood as were the tools that people used.

How the rich people live large.

The bed was a little more sophisticated too.

How the rich people sleep.

According to the sign, this house was about the same size as the one the Ingalls moved into later on. It was just a square with like two rooms but, not too shabby!

Rich people sign.

I just thought the horsie was pretty.

Metal horsie.

Some miscellaneous stuff:

A clothes washing machine (methinks) and a wheel.

And the creme de la creme:

A wagon!!!

Sorry for the blurriness but this is a telephone operator stations from waybackwhen.

Phone operator switchboard.

Window from the Old Walnut Grove Tribune.

Walnut Grove Tribune.

As I’d just finished working at a publishing company when we visited Walnut Grove, I was interested in some of the printing equipment. Having visited a huge printing company when working for my last company, it was funny to see these small machines. The printers at the company I visited were like the size of an apartment, a LARGE apartment.

Printing equipment.

And when I saw Pa’s Fiddle, I about had a heart attack! I mean it’s Pa’s fiddle!!!!

Pa's fiddle!!!

So, I have one more post to go for this day and I swear, we do eventually leave Minnesota. Who in the hell knew we’d end up spending so much time in Minnesota?!

Continued…

…Continued.

So we got off the highway and saw exactly what we were looking for. Not this, not really:

Pretty, pretty flowers.

We pulled up and wanted to go in here desperately (but not yet):

Museum and gift shop.

We saw these guys and could not resist doing this:

Kristyn loves a good old fashioned ass-grab anywhere she can get it.

Or this:

Proof that I will eat anything from anywhere.

And HERE is the main attraction!!!

World's Largest Jolly Green Giant!!!

I mean, wtf?! When I was a kid, I was nothing short of obsessed with the Jolly Green Giant. I thought about him a LOT. Maybe they had an epic advertising campaign but I do recall giving an awful lot of my day to thinking about him.

Kristyn and her boyfriend.

That being said, if I ever knew then that this existed, I would’ve had a tantrum the likes to which the world has never seen! I would’ve cried and told my parents they were cruel until the took me to Blue Earth, MN. (They wouldn’t have taken me to Blue Earth, MN but I still would’ve been mad, for schizzle, y’alls.)

THIS is how big he was! Here I am demonstrating the size and partying.

Turns out that how he came into being is because a local, popular radio station had a running gag about giving away cans of Jolly Green Giant Peas.

His ass as seen by Kristyn.

Things started spiraling out of control, as they do, and a gaggle of people decided that they needed a lifesize statue of the Giant RIGHT NOW, FOR REALSIES.

Someone's backside. Hint: it's not mine.

The DJ, Paul Hedburg, who started this shiz contacted the Jolly Green Giant Peeps to make sure it was okay if they made a 55 foot fiberglass statue out of their corporate symbol.

Kristyn at the bottom of the stairs to the platform.

In typical corporate fashion, they agreed so long as they had 100% creative control over it and didn’t have to spend a thin dime of their own duckets.

So rude.

Well, where there’s a will, there’s a way y’all and homeslice got 50 Grand from various sources and made that shit HAPPEN. In July of 1979, this bad boy was erected. That makes the Jolly Green Giant three months older than me. We could have gone to the Prom together is what that means. *Swoon*

Have you wondered what a giant's shadow would look like? Me neither but yet here it is.

So we twittered and we facebooked and we marvelled because this find was just too damn good.

Kristyn is definitely facebooking or twittering in this picture.

Elvira was having a titty attack of epic proportions in the car. She wasn’t hot, she wasn’t hungry, she didn’t have to go to the can, she was just all, “ARE. WE. FNG. THERE. YET. MOMS?” I mean bitch was hollering something fierce so we took her out of the car for a spin, let her throw an eyeball at the Jolly Green Giant and walk around in some grass. An elderly couple smiled at us bc really what’s not to smile about when you’re looking at two gals and a cat and while standing in the shadow of a 55 foot fiberglass statue of the Jolly Green Giant?

Elvira got stir-crazy and had to be let out of the car.

We went into the aforementioned museum/gift shop and were sorta let down. Turns out that this was the last week that it was open for the year and so they really didn’t have anything worthwhile to buy in there. They DID however, have handmade Jolly Green Giant curtains on the windows and sold Jolly Green Giant razor blades which the woman at the cashier told us she didn’t want us to buy bc “really who needs that?” (Her words.) Also, she had a map on the wall that she made us put dots where we were from. Every year they start a new one to see where everyone comes from to see the Giant. And seriously, it’s ALL FIFTY STATES. Awesome.

So when we got back in the car, we talked to my Dad for a while. He was all, “Wait, WHERE ARE YOU?!” For some reason, the Jolly Green Giant is actually behind a Dairy Queen, I shit you not. So we were a little peckish and decided to go through the DRIVE THROUGH (I know right?) and get some ice cream. When we were in the drive through though, we saw Deep-fried Cheese Curds on the menu and HAD to order them. OH MA GOD WERE THEY GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I took a little looksie at the map and realized we were only an hour away from something that took my gd breath away. So South Dakota would have to wait again because we found a shitload of awesome things to throw our eyeballs at.

Bear with me motherfudgers…

On Friday, September 4, 2009, we woke up in Rochester, MN. We hadn’t gone to Wal-Mart the night before due to my allergies/exhaustion combo. SO, we stopped and got yet ANOTHER McDonald’s brekky and then to the Wal-Mart near our hotel. Kristyn stayed in the car with the kids while I bought every useless item in the history of mankind. Since we thought we were going to stay at a KOA (Spoiler: It never happened, boooooo!), I bought sheets, pillow cases and a comforter that took up so…much…damn…space in el carro. I also bought another portable carrier for the wee animals bc taking so many damn trips to the car and back to smuggle them in was giving us agita. I also bought a handy-dandy litter scooper/brush/dustpan combo to keep the hotels spic and span when we left as well as a shit-ton of puppy pads to put in the bottom of the travel carriers in case anyone had an accident. *Thanks to the Baby Jesus for that brainstorm!* I also got us a bunch of snacks and food: PB&J, Oatmeal Cream Pies (which made Kristyn’s eyeballs turn into little swirls of delight), chips, blahblahblah. We took another looksie at:

World's Largest Ear of Corn

And then got on the road again intending to get the hizzy out of Minnesota and onto South Dakota. (Spoiler again: This does not happen as a bunch of delightful surprises happen.)

So Kristyn drove and I furiously crocheted. I am still finding little crocheted squares from this trip around the house and would not be shocked to find some in the car.

While Kristyn drove, I crocheted a hundred thousand squares.

We decided to get out of the car to take some pictures because it was so pretty here.

Side of the Road in Minnesota.

There were a lot of wind turbines on the side of the road and it was so pretty and nice to see.

Wind Turbines.

And then we saw this:

See Ahmadinejad? There are gays and lezzies everywhere!

When we were driving, we saw a sign for Blue Earth, Minnesota. Kristyn told me to look it up because apart from it being a cool name, it rang a bell to her. I looked it up and we both freaked out. Change of plans, we’re gettin off the highway!

To be continued…

The other day we were feeling crafty and peckish so we decided to make a craft we could sup on. Here is the evidence of the events as they unfolded*:

We bought pizza dough at Trader Joe's on a whim.

I believe that Kristyn said this is the Italian Evil Eye or Devil Horns or warding off of the Evil Eye. IDK, I was thinking intently about pizza at the time.

I started the project but Kristyn had a lot of instructions so she took over. She forgot that she used to work at a pizzaria, haha.

We used a stupid Ragu sauce. It was kinda too sweet for to make pizza with.

We used an entire bag of mozzarella bc why wouldn't you?

Sprinkle some garlic on when Kristyn's not looking and it's ready for the oven!

Booyah!

It was pretty good! Next time we have to use a sauce with more oregano. Totes.

*I never said this blog would always be interesting. As Kristyn’s niece says, “You get what you get and you don’t get upset!!!”

Today I went for a walk at lunch. One of my fellow Interns had told me about an office complex called The Water Garden down the block. I had eaten lunch on a bench close to the street but had never ventured far into the complex as it’s not technically a public park. But today I wanted to walk around and get some air so I ventured in and was bowled over! It’s so pretty in there, I’m never going to eat lunch at my desk again! Anyway, there’s nothing humorous or noteworthy really about an office complex but this made me happy today so here it is:

My ducky friend.

Aesthetic benefits of corporate greed, in this circumstance, I like it.

I was on the phone with Kristyn.

I love me some sparkly water. Mmmhmm that's right.

Glitter prezzies.

I couldn't decide which glitter prezzie pic I liked betta so I went with both. Why not?

I peeped this Christmas tree through a window and snuck in to take a picture of it. OMG, I love it!

Oh another thing, I got to sit at work and read a book today. It was awesome and I kept feeling guilty like I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to be doing…but I was! Hoohoohoohoohahahaha!

I found this near the sink under the paper towel dispenser at the Laundromat. Thought it was worth noting. This is some Passive Aggressive Notes shit right here…

P.S. I’m on the Laundromat’s side on this but the note is priceless, “So if there aren’t towels when you need one, now you know why.” Haha…

P.S. #2 The other thing that happened at the Laundromat, nice right?!

…continued.

So we were driving along, fresh off my “I’m so bored why don’t we stop the car and take some pictures” tantrum when we saw a sign for a Taxidermy Shop. I wishwishwish I could think of the name now and I will update this post if I can come up with it, I swear. Anyway, we are strict animal lovers, vegetarians blahblahblah but where we’re from, you do not just RUN INTO stray Taxidermy shops. Oh no. In NJ, we barely even have butcher shops that are not inside supermarkets anymore. Pizza places, nail salons, dollar stores, we gotchoo. Taxidermy shops are a little harder to come by.

From the inside looking out.

That being said, we were running on pure adrenaline when we ran full tilt boogie into that shop. It never occured to us until we were INSIDE the shop that we had RUN TOWARD a place that kills, skins and re-creates live beings for fun/profit. We just thought, “OMG, Taxidermy! I wonder if we can buy a squirrel!”

We're all just hangin around, hyuk, hyuk.

We knocked on the door and a man came let us in. He and his doggies seemed nice and we asked him a few questions before he invited us into his workshop (pictured in the last post).

More heads.

He told us that he used to work in some other line of business that wasn’t doing so hot. He has always been an hunter and had always admired taxidermists’ work. He got an apprenticeship under someone he looked up to and soon enough opened his own shop.

Foxes and boars and turkeys, oh my!

Basically, after you hunt and kill the animal, you skin them and use their meat however you’re gonna (food, whatever). Then you dry the skin out. You have to buy plastic or foam molds for the specific animal you are using and then the rest is just artistic interpretation based on how they looked in life and how you want them posed.

Closeup of Fox, Boar and Turkey

Apart from the fact that he is a hunter, he is a huge animal lover. He has that cat you saw previously and two dogs.

Kristyn petting one of the owner's doggies.

They go hunting with them a lot. I think it’s the highlight of their year. He took time and showed us a photo album of him, his friend, his family and their dogs hunting in South Dakota.

The owner and his best friends.

The doggies were really friendly too and even showed off their hunting “pointing” skills for us, haha. I can’t say we weren’t scared. Because we’re from New Jersey, we are suspicious of everyone and were leery at times. Honestly though, this was just a nice, friendly man who probably was silly to let us suspicious NJ-ites in. We thought we were knocking on the door of an actual factual store but it turned out to be his workshop and showroom. He was really nice for letting us in and showing us around. Thanks Taxidermy guy!

Showing off their huntin skills for us.

We left there and hopped back on 90. We were starting to get hungry and the cheese/taxidermy mania of the day (and my allergies) were making us yearn for a place to stop for the day and rest. We made it into Minnesota!

Entering Minnesota!

We decided to stop in Rochester, Minnesota. Rochester, unbenownst to us until we got there, is the home of the Mayo Clinic and IBM!

Rochester, MN is where hang our hats.

We found a room at a weird hotel that had a Goth front desk clerk, went through our animal rituals and then drove around downtown Rochester. The downtown area looked like it had probably at one time been thriving but was recently kind of abandoned. There was a main strip of like chain stores, followed by a more neighborhoody main drag that seemed like it had a lot of potential but that the shop owners had been driven out by the chain stores.

Mayo Clinic

Then there was another section closer to the Mayo Clinic that was nicer and maybe the reason why the downtown area was a ghost town. We found a street fair! Kristyn said, “I don’t know what the heck is wrong with this picture. Why does everyone look exactly the same?” I said, “They’re all white people with blonde hair and blue eyes.”

Street fair full of white people.

It was like being at a Barr family reunion up in that piece. I wish we had photographic evidence. Here I’ll provide a family photo instead:

White people, aka my family on the day of my Christening. If only they knew what a waste of time that'd end up being...ah well.

Since I was feeling like cockypoo because of my allergies, we took a couple of fugly shots and beat it out of there. I’m usually down for street fair food but I needed to sit down and have a cup of tea, STAT:

Us cautiously enjoying ourselves.

Me with a case of fathead/rednose and Kristyn with a case of weird eyes/slightsmile.

On our way to find me some tea with a side of pancakes, we found this:

World's Largest Ear O' Corn!

Right next to our hotel, there was a Denny’s. As we went in, I took this shot of the chain shopping area of Rochester:

Rochester by moonlight.

Inside Denny’s I flipped the script and got a veggie burger and DEFINITELY a cup of tea. We sat and eavesdropped as a group of adults sat at a table behind us and talked about “the homosexuals”. There were two men and one woman. The one man and one woman were extremely anti-gay. Well, scratch that, they were ALL anti-gay, but just those two were like, foot down, don’t wanna hear about it anti-gay. The other guy was kind of more thoughtful about it. He said, “Now you can’t just judge someone for being gay. I know they say they’re born that way and I don’t know if that’s true but if it is, I cannot imagine the burden that must be on your soul.” The other two were like, “They’re not born that way! They choose it I tell ya! If someone in my family were gay, I wouldnt’ talk to’m anymore!” The other guy was like, “If someone in my family told me they were gay, I wouldn’t understand it but it wouldn’t make me love’m any less.” Then they kind of went into a discussion on whether or not the homosexuals will go to hell for what they’ve done. Kristyn threatened me with my life not to say something so I kept my big fat mouth shut. *sigh*

So we went back to our room, laid down and watched some TV. The news is really weird in Minnesota. I don’t know if you watch 30 Rock or not but a couple of episodes ago they went to Kenneth the Page’s hometown in the mountains to find a standup comedian to draw “folksy people”. Liz Lemon turned on the news and the reporter said something along the lines of, “Ethyl is going on vacation so Myrna will be watching her cats this week”. Liz Lemon said, “Yeesh, small town”. THAT is what Rochester, MN was like. They reported on the high school football team, bake sales, kindergarten’s first day…It was incredible. In order to be on the news in Northern NJ, you have to get killed in a spectacular fashion in public (small, non-sexy murders need not apply) or you have to find out where Good Day New York has sent their newbie reporter to freeze at. They always send whoever has the least time on the show to stand on some corner in Hoboken or whereever and interact with the locals. If you can find that guy, you can be on the news but don’t count on it. Seriously don’t.

On my Aunt Theresa’s suggestion, we kept looking up KOA Campgrounds to stay at because there’s a million of them along the way. Our original intention for this trip had been to camp the whole way and save money on hotels. Because I insisted on bringing a shitload of photographic equipment I did not use, we ended up not bringing the tent. So that meant we could only stay at KOA Campgrounds that had cabins for rental. Being that this was the week leading up to Labor Day weekend (it was late this year), a lot of the campgrounds were close to capacity. Also, if we found a cabin for rent, it had no blankets and no running water. Typically we could find an actual factual hotel with bathroom for the same price. Still though, we had KOA on our minds and had intended to make a little pitstop to Wal-Mart that night for bedding and supplies. We were just too damn tuckered though and so we watched the news until we passed the heck out, dreaming of disembodied heads and cheese wheels. G’nite.

On Thursday, September 3, 2009, we left our hotel in Illinois and got on Route 90. We had only taken 80 so far so 90 was a new ballgame. We soon found ourselves in Wisconsin, the land of the cheese!

Kristyn and a Map of Wisconsin!

Now we typically try to pare down our cheese intake but when in Rome, dudes. So we started looking for a good place to get our cheese on and in DeForest, Wisconsin, we found our place: Ehlenbach’s Cheese Chalet.

Ehlenbach's Cheese Chalet!

We had a titty attack when we saw it and pulled off the road. This is what we found inside:

Cheeses in pretty wax casings.

There were so many different kinds of fresh cheeses, crackers, bread, wines, homemade baked goods, souvenirs. It was so cute in there!

Life-size cow statue inside the Cheese Chalet.

They even let you sample the goods. We tried one cheese that was chocolate fudge flavored. Damn that shit was good. We ended up buying some cheese and crackers and a coupla postcards. Ugh so good.

Then we went outside to take pictures of the giant cow they had outside. Love it.

Kristyn insisted on having her picture taken with the cow's ass. I like it.

I had terrible allergies for some reason that day. Oh and don’t worry the animals were in the car but we were only in the Chalet for a hot minute and the windows were rolled down. We kept running to check on them.

Kristyn definitely wanted a picture of the veins on the cow's udders. I think it was a good choice myself.

But I can’t say they were thrilled with our need for pictures of udders and ourselves.

Kristyn is taking pictures with her iPhone in front of the Cow and Cheese Chalet.

Who could blame them? But the pictures were necessary methinks.

Me and the Cow.

We got back in the car and set back off on our way, eating cheese and crackers until we couldn’t take it anymore. A coupla hours later, we stopped at a weird little rest stop that had this out front:

I LOVE that the station is called Cow 97...

I guess because my allergies were bothering me, I started whining about wanting to get out of the car and take more pictures. It may seem like we’ve done a lot at this point but if you figure it took us eight hours to get to the other side of PA, eight more hours to get to Chicago and then about six hours to get to where we were in Wisconsin, that is twenty-two hours in the car with only a coupla lookyloo stops. I was bored, yo. So we stopped and took this picture:

Wildflowers in Wisconsin.

And this one:

This truck is probably carrying the cookie you have in your hand right...this...second.

We were just going to drive a couple more hours and find a place to stop when we saw a sign that made us stop the car dead. We pulled up to this place:

Unassuming from the outside, right?

We knocked on the door and were let inside by a nice man who introduced to:

This guy.

That guy above is alive but I can’t say the same for these guys:

I'm no fan of hunting but this is impressive.

Cuz we found ourselves inside the a Taxidermy Studio!!!

Don't worry, he's friendly.

To be continued…